We all have been in situations when we are trying to communicate something to another person and we end up participating in an intense conversation or even an argument without even realising when we jumped so passionately into it.
What is happening in these situations usually?
We can get caught up in this circle, when we get carried away by our emotions which are being triggered by the other person’s responses. In turn, our responses trigger the other person’s emotions and the scene quickly turns into a ping pong game where each one throws their ball to the other.
This doesn’t really have to do with the other person themselves, but rather with the interpretations which we have given in our minds about them and their intentions, as the same goes for them towards us. Our thoughts then create our emotions.
For example, when someone accuses us of something, it’s not their accusation that has any power, it is what we choose to tell ourselves about it; i.e. “I am not good enough for them so they accuse me” or “Something’s wrong with me in order to receive this behaviour” which therefore can create feelings of anger, disappointment, sadness etc.
When we start noticing the patterns of our thoughts which fuel our emotional state in such circumstances, we get closer to understanding ourselves and we can explain what is happening inside of us to others as well. This improves our communication to a level where we can also be more empathetic with the people we interact with and have less misunderstandings in our relationships.
Our emotions and reactions do not define our identity. We are so much more than that and if we get to the understanding of how and why respond the way we do, we escape from the vicious circle of making various assumptions and getting disconnected from ourselves and others.