When you are avoiding something, you are gaining something else by not doing it.
For example, if you are avoiding moving forward with a project that you want to do or avoiding promoting your creative ideas, you might be gaining safety of not exposing yourself to possible disappointment if that doesn’t work out or safety from potential judgment you might receive. There is a part of you that believes it is safer to stop you from doing something (even if you genuinely want to do it) because it thinks that you gain safety, comfort, etc.
If you are avoiding having a difficult conversation with someone, there could be a part of you that gains “peace” in the relationship by believing that this way if you avoid confrontation you have peace and not conflict.
Essentially when we are avoiding doing something we are not sabotaging ourselves but rather protecting ourselves from something we perceive as loss or other uncomfortable feelings. If we pinpoint what is it that we are gaining by not doing it, we can then explore these aspects further and see:
• Where do such patterns/emotions come from?
• Why did this part of ourselves have to take on this role?
• Is this true now and what does this part need from us to feel safe?